Hello, Hello and a thousand times Hello.
Today’s post will tackle the age old topic of friendship. I’m going to go through the ins and outs (whey!), the tos and fros, the ups and downs as well as the good times and the bad. And as per usual you can count on Oi You Blog Head to leave out all those dirty clichés. I guess we all enjoy the feeling of having someone who would do just about anything just because you asked them to, well within reason (by that I mean rimming or as it’s more popularly known analingus. And if you engage in such a disgusting activity I judge you. But for those looking into starting the rocky but ultimately rewarding journey of Anal Activites head to http://www.toss-my-salad.com/ for the ‘gourmet guide to ass-eating’). Now I have had one or two friends in my life (no ass eaters thus far, thank god), I was known as mr popular back in the day and I think of myself as quite the friendship expert. As I talk you through it all there will have some laughs as well lessons along the way.
So the whole friendship game usually starts with a handshake or a kiss on one or two cheeks (i think this is a bit over friendly unless the guy has got just a hint of stubble which I find sexy in a non-homoerotic sort of way) when the two or more participants meet. I cannot enough emphasis on how important this stage of the friendship is. Typically, well most definitely in my case the two or more possible ‘friends’ would exchange hardy opinions on such topics as: the government’s fiscal policy, the ins and outs of brain chemistry (oxytocin, serotonin you know the drill) , the proliferation of theories based around higgs boson particle (if these topics seem weird to you then it’s a sign, put the remote down sir and get yourself an education)or the merits of ass-eating (seriously who are these people that rim. i want to know). The success at this stage of the friendship leads on to a level where the participants share personal details about their lives. Sample dialogue:
“my my my that’s a mighty fine over coat you are wearing there Claire”
“Why thank you Jane it is one of my favourites”
The examples are endless really. When this stage is mastered and the now friends sufficiently know each other, where they like to shop, how many people they have ‘been’ with and whether they’re team Edward or team Jake( if you disapprove of the Twilight reference, you have to know that I don’t care and it is aboslute madness not to be team Edward), the friendship moves on to what i must say is my most favourite stage. Only when someone is truly trusted and therefore is fully considered a friend do you ask for and then act on their advice. the dynamic exchange of advice is really the life blood of a friendship. A friend comes to you and says he really likes a certain lady , i give him advice, he then ends up taking her down town if you catch my drift (true story btw) and I can go to him and ask him about a tingling sensation in my anus (p.s. it’s not chlamydia. I’ve had that checked, shout out to the NHS. if you have any suggestions about what it could be please leave a comment). but why on earth is advice be so important i hear you say, I’m an empowered, confident, sexy young woman, why would i need advice from anyone? Well let me propose a juxtaposition (if you don’t know what that means, again education. just try it), your a vibrant young lady and tonight you want to head out on the town, knock back a few tequilas (sans rohypnol of course), score yourself some cock maybe but you don’t have the number or directions. I hear you say “that never happens”, well you’d be WRONG miss. check out the video below which concisely sums up (in 49 seconds) the real issues friendships are facing today. [side note: the magic is at 34 seconds where the silence seems to late an eternity.]
But seriously what does it mean to be a true friend? I don’t really know is the honest answer. All I am sure of is that I try my best for those people who are important to me. I’m not the kind of friend that would make you a pot of your favourite jam or hook you up with some bitches or tell you “yes you are a good dancer” when we both know that the answer is hell no or tell you that your boyfriend is attractive when he’s clearly disgusting. But I am the kind of friend that will listen to your shitty stories (you know who you are) and the kind of friend that will get you drunk when things are going really bad or really great. For me the magic of friendships lie not in what I do or bring or what the other person does or brings, the amazingness (sorry about that word) is the creation in between the both of you. that might sound a bit fruity but give it a second. The creation I think is the closeness between two separate entities. Human beings enjoy closeness that’s why friendships are such a precious thing. Like empathy kicks sympathy’s ass because the problem is shared as opposed to theoretically understood. I don’t think it really matters whether your friendship means you see each other everyday or every year. I don’t think it matters whether your friendship means your share knowledge or bodily fluids (or of course tongues in rear areas). I don’t think it matters whether you sleep with your friend’s mother or your mother’s friend. So I’m hoping that you’ve learned something and stop being an asshole to your friends because I’m definitely never going to bail you out of jail or testify for your character when your ex wife is found naked in the cellar where you live with your new wife or not laugh when your apologizing on talkSport for remarks you made about a female linesman. I’m definitely not going to judge, well except the people i just mentioned.
Post summed up in one sentence: Don’t be a dick you your friends or to female lineswomen because you’ll get your ass fired.
With that piece of advice ringing in your ear i bid you a good day. QuickFo despite all it’s genius isn’t a real app kids but one day it is gonna make someone millions (he said sarcastically!).