Rotten Hangovers: I Blame Jesus

23 Oct

Since Ed was the first to use an expletive (‘fuck’, in case you haven’t read it) here at Oi! You Blog Head, I thought I’d be the first to introduce a bit of controversy. Of course what Ed was saying about the Beefy delight that is Bovril could be seen as controversial, but I think this will push it a little further and maybe spark a bit of a debate. Hopefully quite a large debate, then we’d all be ‘mass-debating together!’ (One for you Ed!)

The subject of this post is alcohol. Sweet, delightful alcohol. Don’t get me wrong, I looooove a bit of the sauce, one too many sherberts is how I so often roll.

But why? I am writing this post as I have now recovered from the all day hangover which significantly affected me yesterday. Alcohol makes people do some crazy things. For example…

(for the record not all of the following have involved myself or Ed, maybe you could guess which ones have. What a fun game.)

• Fall over in public.

• Get a little bit lairy to poor hot dog shop owners.

• Get the 5:15 (am) train from Bournemouth to Brighton, only to be back in Bournemouth by 14:00.

• Think you are better than everyone else and question why they don’t ‘bow down to you.’

• Get in trouble with the police for acquiring a nice new bird table and a For Sale sign.

• Do karaoke.

• Throw your kebab at someone.

• Get a kebab in the first place.

• Have a slash up a war memorial.

• Not remember any of the above.

Those are to name just a few ridiculous things that come to mind.

Alcohol is a drug, that’s a fact. It takes lives. It ruins lives. Why then is it perfectly legal almost all over the World? Why should alcohol be legal but other drugs not?

As the title of this post suggests, I blame Jesus. I’m sure most of you are aware that Jesus once turned water into wine. Come off it, I bet they all got absolutely ruined that night. They were getting kebabs, throwing them at people, starting fights, having unprotected sex with people they’ve never even met, stealing sheep, kicking down road works barriers and falling asleep in bushes. But the good old bible forgot to tell us that bit. The bible never tells us of the affects of alcohol (don’t hold me to that, I haven’t actually read it all- I am essentially guessing). Did Jesus ever get hangovers? I hope so, all these free nights out- he has to pay the price somehow.

Say Jesus hadn’t turned water into wine. What if Jesus had turned sand into Cocaine? Would that make Coke acceptable? Pebbles into Ecstasy pills… I’m sure you understand my point.

I’m not trying to change anyone’s opinion of alcohol or anything here, and I’m not judging anyone’s religion. In fact some of this crap I’ve said could be completely wrong, if it is then I’d love for you to point it out and we could have a good old Barney about it! And also for the record I am not glamorising other drugs at all, I am merely suggesting that if they were what Jesus was in to then maybe they’d be more accepted in today’s society.


4 Responses to “Rotten Hangovers: I Blame Jesus”

  1. sarah October 23, 2009 at 12:01 pm #

    this brings joy to my day at work….and i am pretty sure i will be commiting a few of these drunken crimes quite happily on saturday night

  2. emily October 27, 2009 at 12:04 pm #

    haha i can totally see u throw a kebab at someone!! and the gettin people to bow down to u! haha lol. on a serious note, you do make some interesting points… definately something for people to think about

  3. Amy R October 27, 2009 at 4:47 pm #

    ha ha ha ha, i wonder who got in trouble with the police for acquiring a nice new bird table and a For Sale sign…. someones name springs to mind and its not Ed’s… lol xx

  4. charlicharli86 November 14, 2009 at 9:57 pm #

    You raise some very credible points: I think theres a good basis for a tick-list of drunken antics to be achieved before the inevitable.
    Religion has influenced so much of the world we live in, and continues to do so. The values of the society we inhabit have been moulded based on Religion. What is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong’ is characterised as so by the Bible: ‘Love thy neighbour’; but what if your neighbour’s a Twat?
    And yet throughout the Bible there are misdemeanours encountered by the characters (yes characters because for all we know the Bible could be one mans elabourate tale. Kind of like a pre-historic Derren Brown documenting his chat) drunk on booze, sometime eliciting their downfall
    So alcohol is explicitly mentioned hundreds of times throughout the good book. A man-made chemical that is celebrated in Christian circles, it seems strange that God himself did not create this wonderful elixir himself, in between bringing light upon the situation and creating all those beautiful flowers, plants, trees and shrubberies. Lest we forget ‘the tree of life, which bare twelve manner of fruits, and yielding her fruit every month; and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.’ (Rev: 22, 1-2). It seem God would have had a part in the creation of this great liquid. Interestingly among the creations, one particular shrub gets special mention.
    The tree mentioned above bares a striking resemblance to the Cannabis Sativa plant. Perhaps this is the ‘tree’ that ‘afore the harvest, when the bud is perfect and the sour grape is ripening in the flower, he shall cut off the sprigs with pruning hooks and take away and cut down the branches.’ (Is, 18 4-5).
    These subtle references to a natural plant that, according to the Bible, must have been created by God, have been omitted from society as acceptable. Conversely, a man-made chemical has been mentioned explicitly throughout with both positive and negative connotations, deemed the opposite. The almost spiritual connotations embedded in the subtle Weed references surely show more credibility to a religious group who look for spirituality as their guiding light, than the evil booze that caused Noah to become ‘drunk; the result was immorality and family trouble’ (Genesis, 9, 20-26).
    I am not for one minute suggesting that society base its structures rigidly on the Bible, but I find it interesting that a society arguably built upon religion actually rejects many of the ideals suggested by said religion. It is only just recently that we are beginning to hear the true harms of drugs through the latest scientific research. This classification puts legal drugs Alcohol and Nicotine as more harmful than Cannabis based on several factors: physical harm to the user, tendency to dependency, the effect of the drug on families, communities and society.
    It seems there may be some movement providing the Government allow this information the credibility it deserves. As it stands, the MPs are choosing to ignore the facts once again. The result of this beyond the fact that we won’t be seeing Brighton become the new Amsterdam (let’s face it would so be Red Light District!), is that the true harm of legal drugs like alcohol and nicotine as well as prescriptive drugs like ‘valium’, can be put into perspective against victimised drugs.
    Long old reply, all spurred from the sand to cocaine comment! Reckon the cartel are on that one!

    ‘the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Ghost.’ (Epistle of St. Paul: Romans 14: 17).

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