Facebook, the ugly child we all love!

2 Dec

Hey Ho Readers,

Now children, Oi! You Blog Head has taught us many many lessons. And guess what, we are not gonna stop giving either (like a great boyfriend, you know what I mean. One that goes down on you every Sunday as well as the traditional Tuesday). Now I know there hasn’t been a post in a while but Adam and I have been out in the world, noted down all the issues that needed solving (not problem’s like global warming and boring shit like that because lets be honest here, the girls that choose to protest against it or whatever, aren’t too easy on the eye. And who wants that, not me. But anyway….). Facebook I’ve decided is much like an ugly child that we as users love. Here is a story explaining why:

In the beginning god created man and so on…( trees, custard, tea bags and all that). And from this Adam and Eve were given the “gift” of children. We’ll fast forward this fact to now (roughly 3 years on) and babies are born all the time. There is a sad fact however that some children are born, well ugly. Okay don’t give me that bull about how “all children are beautiful” and “sooo cute” because when a kid is ugly, the kid is UGLY. However, very cleverly parents are given a sort of blindness that makes them love their child .At the sec you are thinking WHAT?! A blindness?! And ill solve your query with the simple equation below.

Child + Beauty = LOVE    (Lovely)

Adult + Beauty = LOVE    (Lovely)

However

Child + Ugly = LOVE    

(I’m sure we all know what’s wrong with that equation)

See…. Blindness

So let me go on. So all through their child’s early life the parents give the kid everything whilst, let’s be fair here the kid’s absolutely NOWHERE, not with a mug like that. But still the parents insist on feeding the little scamp. I may be coming across a little bit of a prick but I know that ugly people have their uses like Miners, Halloween mask inspiration, perspective to show that your wife isn’t that bad looking, subject of ugly questions (like “so where do people like you shop?”) and I could go on.

But Facebook or FB if your texting someone is like an ugly child how? Well I’ll give you the example of myself. Say I’m just chilling (and yer I know how cool I sound) in the library with my bitches or whatever and I needed a break from all the boring shit in my life, I’d pop on Facebook, you know for something interesting to do. But Facebook never ever ever is, interesting that is. So why must we insist on visiting it every 15 mins hoping that there will be something on there to change our lives. I’ll tell you why. Oh I’ll tell you all why.

Facebook is OUR ugly child. I bet the parents of these ugly children know full well that their child is ugly. But every time they visit their child’s cot they hope that a miracle will have happened. A life changing, inspirational, amazing thing will have happened. The burden that they have been carrying, ever since the day that their dreaded offspring was forced through the fleshy gates of the mothers downstairs area (or vagina to us scholars), was lifted and that they could be graced with a better looking child (please note that these series of events do not apply to cesarean sections. However, please note that ugliness in child may still occur). But alas no. Oh no sirey. It is never the case and shall never be. Ugly children will always be ugly (unless it was this really ugly girl that asked you out when you were like 14 and you were like “fuck no”. Now that you are in your 20s she is absolutely stunning and out of your league. I mean what’s that about? How is that fair?). Facebook will always be ugly but I guess we’ll just keep on loving it till we give birth to another hopefully more beautiful child. It is also soo soo soo important to stress that if you have 2 ugly children in a row, please for the love of god stop having sex. There is just no excuse for it. I, as many of us, will let one ugly kid go but 2, come on buddy. Who the fuck do you think we are.

Please leave your views, especially if you disagree because this blog is about fun and games. But occasionally Oi! You Blog Head tackles the important issues that not even the government are prepared to tackle.

Much Love

Oi! You Blog Head

I personally would love to see a young Sarah Haddon Kick off her own blog. She is just simply magic to talk to and a beloved friend and fan of our work. This is why I dedicate this, my own sweat and tears to her.

Bye!

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One Response to “Facebook, the ugly child we all love!”

  1. Danielle Locke December 3, 2009 at 2:00 am #

    I just think your mates are ugly, gutted

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